A tired person that likes sour junk food.
Age 37, Male
Production
I Just Work Now
Minnesota (Anoka)
Joined on 4/2/05
Thanks for putting me in so early.
Coincidentally, although I put nothing about it on the "bio" post, I freaking love Bodyjar. Primarily "Time to Grow Up", "Too Drunk to Drive", and I'll always have a special place in my heart (as far as music goes) for "Not the Same"
Keep it going!
Since I am adding people into this story I will go into their profiles and see what everyone likes while trying to incorporate that into the story somehow. I'm glad you like the story so far.
There has to be a better onomatopoeia than "FART".
There's plenty. And after thinking about it within a minute. That was suitable.
Can I be in the story?
Make a bio, let me know what you'd want to be called. And I'll see about putting you in.
I Feel you aren't giving this the same strength as some of your previous writing *_*
Cyberdevil
Starts out great, but it seems the poetic parts of this piece just get fewer and fewer the further it goes. More dialogue and action, no imaginative descriptions, brings down the suspense a bit. Good story otherwise, keep it going!
Mast3rMind
Indeed. But it'll get better as the story progresses. I had to lay down some ground work to keep it it tightly knit so I don't end up overtyping.